You are the Reason Why I Act like a Grumpy Old Man
by WistfulStar
Summary: "This is supposed to be my nice relaxing evening, and you just had to ruin it don't you? Well you know what Alfred, I'm gonna -censored for children-"  A light, random msn conversation between our two favourite countries! Implied USUK


**A/N: I just had the conversation below last night between me and one of my classmates, and when I looked back at the chat history, I realised how much USUK the convo actually is (other than the fact that in real life, me and the person I had this conversation with have no feelings for each other watsoever) So, I decided to just modify some of the words and delete those inside jokes and made it into a USUK fanfiction~ I certainly hope the person who is portrayed as US here doesn't see this, he's not even a Hetalia fan...**

**Please excuse any horribleness or oocness**

**Enjoy~**

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It had been a great day. Really, it had. School was relaxing and pleasant as it was almost the Christmas holidays. No assignments were due the next day. Even teachers realised the need for a nice, calm break and therefore hindered themselves from giving any homework. Gladly, Arthur predicted a peaceful and undisturbed evening and was completely ready for some quality alone time.

While humming an old Beatles tune, he turned on his computer to check his emails. After, he decided, he was going to cuddle up and dive into the magical world of wizards and witches with his favourite series 'Harry Potter'. The night looked great and it had been quite a while since Arthur had any time to fully enjoy a good book.

A few deleted junk mails and a very important Model UN notice later, the happy Briton comfortably planted himself onto his armchair and cracked open the pages of J.K. Rowling's bestseller. His eyes happily scanned over the text, merrily submerging himself into the magical world of fiction.

Suddenly, a familiar sound annoyed Arthur out of his thoughts. He glanced up grumpily, trying to figure out the devil that had interrupted his reading. Getting off his armchair, he crabbily walked to the computer screen and clicked on the flashing orange window which signified that someone had instant-messaged him.

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Hey Iggy, u there? _

Oh god, Arthur groaned, why does it have to be him of all people?

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Geez Alfred, what do you want?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Somebody's in a bad mood… DX, I just wanted to ask you something about math._

Arthur tilted his head to the side, clearly perplexed.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
But we didn't get any math homework… :S_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I know we didn't, but that stupid German math teacher said if I don't do something extra, then I'm going to fail the credit. D:_

The Brit could not help but stifle a laugh at the American's words.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
It's your own fault for skipping every other class and not hand in your work on time. You have nobody to blame but yourself._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Aww, c'mon Iggy, don't be like that. It'll only take two seconds! ;)_

Scowling as he realised that his supposedly peaceful evening now rested pathetically in the dusts, Arthur let out a big sigh and typed his response to the annoying American.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Fine, what do you not understand?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Like, the whole thing! It's all so confusing, I don't know where to start!_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Start at question one._

_** I'm the Hero! says:**  
Woah, Iggy, I've never thought of that, that's so HELPFUL! D;_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Sarcasm really don't work well on msn you know… For example: Alfred, you're awesome._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Really Iggy, thnx! You finally realized my awesomeness!_

Irritated by the American's comeback, Arthur began to pound furiously on his keyboard.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
That was supposed to be sarcastic you git! You only wish you were awesome, but really you're not. _

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Wishing is 4 lame and un-awesome people, unlike me, who's a real hero!_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I haven't a blimey clue why you love heroes so much, they're so overrated and annoying._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Because heros are totally AWESOME and ATTRACTIVE, and girls dig them! xD_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
By 'AWESOME' and 'ATTRACTIVE', you mean dimwitted and unruly._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
If that's what you find attractive then okay._

_**Scones are the best says:**  
STOP TWISTING MY WORDS, I'm describing you! :( _

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Nah, you're describing your future boyfriend.  
:) I'm very attractive! And I have the best pickup line ever! Wanna hear it?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
What's the line?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
YOU, ME, BED NOW! RAWR! xD  
See, it shows I have passion! _

_**Scones are best says:**  
That's the worst pickup line I have ever heard. It shows you have zero morals._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Nah. If you were somebody cool like me, then you would understand._

_**Scones are the best says:**  
You bloody git! Just because we're on msn doesn't mean I can't hurt you!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
U can't! But I can! xD  
See, I just hurt your feelings._

_**Scones are the best says:**  
You did not! And besides, I have no feelings toward an idiot like you!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
O_O, Brr, you're cold Iggy! So it's true then, men have no feelings…  
Oh wait, that's girls! R u saying ur a girl then? ;D_

Taking a deep breath, Arthur tried his best to restrain his maddening rage inside.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I'm going to be very calm and mature about this because what you're implying is completely absurd._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Okay, watever you say then Iggy.  
Btw, the scones you gave me the other day tasted like shit_

Oh no he didn't!

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Why, you –beep-ing bastard! How dare you insult my refined style of cooking! Just because you're tasteless freak doesn't mean everybody else is the same as you!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Damn that was harsh Iggy, you hurt my feelings… I feel demoralized…  
*sarcasm ;D_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
You're a complete disgrace! I don't even know what to say to you._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I win again! xD_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
No you don't! You never won in the first place!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
But I scored! :D  
But dude, you have to admit though, I'm awesome at pickup lines!_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
No offence, but that first one you said was terrible._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Maybe to you, but fact remains that I have a girlfriend! ;)_

Arthur was just about to write down a witty reply before the words on the screen froze him completely. Alfred got a girlfriend? A strange pang tore at his heart, and he suddenly became extremely curious on the mysterious girl.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Really? Who is it?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
'course, chicks dig me! ;D_

Much to the Brit's dismay, the American had successfully avoided his question.

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I'm like totally hot! Who wouldn't want to date me? :P_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Oh I'm sure all the girls just throw themselves at you…_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Not the grumpy ones…_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
You better not be implying anything in that Alfred Jones!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Nah, of course not  
*sarcasm xD  
Either you admit I'm awesome or ur a grouchy old man_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Neither! I only pick the truth._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
So you're a grouchy old man then?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I said neither!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
xD  
Anyways, how many times did you write things only to erase the message?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
What are you talking about?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:  
**You keep on deleting things you want to say, why are you so nervous?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I'm not nervous! Why would I be?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Maybe becuz you're too intimidated by my epicness? :D_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I retype my things because I'm afraid that you wouldn't be able to understand my high-classed vocabulary with that puny brain of yours, so I try to re-word my replies for you using simpler terms._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Oh yeah, give an example!_

Scratching his brain, Arthur racked his mind for a possible thing to say. The real reason why he rewrote some of the things he was going to say is because he felt that his words weren't really suited for a casual conversation such as this one. In a way, the Briton was intimidated by the American. Alfred Jones was the golden boy at their high school, the chick magnet, the popular jock, the person every girl blushes for and every boy wants to be. It was just amazing that the two of them were even friends (maybe more than friends but getting Arthur to admit that would be as likely as snowing on the Sun). He didn't really know how to act around the outgoing American, and sometimes his words came out rather lame and stuttering.

But of course Alfred did not need to know any of that.

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Exactly, you can't give any examples because you're nervous! xD  
It's okay to be jealous you know._

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Jealous of what? Ur stupidity?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Jealous of the fact that I'm so cool and every1 loves me X3_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Oh, you're funny._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I can have a whole secret life that you don't know about, like Hannah Montana! (I could secretly be a super hero that'll rescue you ;) )_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
As if I need ur rescuing._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
What are you talking about! Everybody needs heroes! What if somebody tries to rape you? Oh wait, ur too ugly to get raped! xDD_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
My face is perfectly normal thank you very much! At least I'm not some dumb blond (like you) with all looks and no brains._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Well, at least I have real friends, *cough* ur imaginary creatures *cough*_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Don't ever insult flying mint bunny! He's 100 times better than you! And he's not made-up either, just because you can't see him doesn't mean he doesn't exist! They're honest and caring and totally beat your stupid jock friends who can't even count up to ten._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
At least mine aren't imaginary._

_**Scones are the best says:**  
You're imaginary! Shut up!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
But I have a girlfriend! xD  
So I win!_

Again with the girlfriend. Arthur did not know how he felt about Alfred being 'taken'. Sure the man was popular with the ladies but he had never seemed to express interest in any of them. Maybe this was why the news was such a shock to the Brit. Suppressing his extreme curiosity, Arthur decided to casually ask the identity of the girl.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
So, who is it? How come I don't know?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
That's cuz ur out of it…_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Screw u!_

A long pause; and Arthur pondered on the awkward silence before Alfred started to type.

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
U mad?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
No! why would I be? I'm never mad, I'm just mildly angry at times._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
You're always mad…  
And stuttery_

Arthur blushed at the accusation. Even he could not deny the truth of Alfred's words. It was right that the Brit was always sort of squirmish around the American, but he wasn't gong to admit that.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I'm not stuttery around my friends, u git._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
That's cuz they're not real._

Another pregnant pause, and this time, it was Arthur who broke the silence.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Anyways Alfred, who's your girlfriend?_

The Briton could just see the smirk on the American's face even though they're only chatting on msn.

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Wouldn't you like to know?Iggy? xD  
Besides she's not in our school, so you don't know her._

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Don't I at least get to know her name? Consider it as payment for helping you with math._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Do you really want to know?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Of course_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Do you really really want to know?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Yes_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Do you really really really want to know?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Goddammit Alfred, yes I want to know, now tell me already!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Nah, I don't feel like telling you xD_

Arthur was just about to pound his keyboard to death before another message appeared, pausing him in his actions.

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Who knows? It could all be a joke and this is something made up to get you mad. ;)  
Why are you so curious about my love life?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Can't I be curious about things?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Jealous?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
As if!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Lol, u make me laugh Iggy!  
Hey, you know my brother Matthew is dating that French guy rite?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
So I've heard, why what about them?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I saw them in the hallway making out once, so gross…  
Blah, blah…_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
They're not gross, don't be mean!  
Wait, who are we talking about again? :S_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I don't remember either, oh well  
:D  
Anyways, hey did you know that Russia got high last time? I even saw him buying a weed holder yesterday at that rundown store near our school… o_o_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
For real?_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Of course, why would I lie to you Iggy ;D  
But just so u know, if ur not feeling happy u can always ask him where he got the weed… I bet he knows all the dealers now… ;)_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
D: Just because I go to the library everyday doesn't mean I'm depressed! And I would never do drugs, I'm a gentleman._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
What would happen if I told ur dad that you're on weed?_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
He won't believe you. I'm a good child._

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
OH really?  
You know what else? I'm like a drug myself! xDD _

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Oh yeah, that's why they teach us in school not to do drugs_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
It makes sense u know, the more you're around me, the harder it is to stay away xDD_

Arthur blushed furiously at the last comment, before putting down his pathetic denial.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
Ha! U wish!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
You're a 'good' boy so you ignore me all the time! :D_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
As if I can ignore your ugly mug, but you're freaking everywhere I go… It's bad enough when I already have 3 courses with you, we have the same damn lunch time too!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I kno rite? I'm like Godly, and am everything around you! xD  
What's wrong?  
Can't take your mind off me? ;D_

The Brit almost fainted at the words written on his computer screen. His heart raced as he urged his mind to piece together a legible answer to reply to the annoying American idiot.

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I don't even know how to reply to ur appalling assumptions!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
Well, seems to me you're already addicted to the hero drug! I better tell your dad xD_

_**Scones are the best says:**  
I'm going to kick ur sorry arse tomorrow! Just you wait, you stupid git!_

_**I'm the Hero! says:**  
I'll be waiting Iggy! xD  
And now I'm hungry, better go steal some of Matt's food!  
Good night! xD_

And with that, the American logged off, just as hastily as he had came on, leaving an angry Briton staring blankly on the screen, pondering on the time he had lost while talking to 'the freak' (Alfred).

It was supposed to be a fine, relaxing night, and it took just one measly conversation to ruin it all.

Arthur sighed, and glanced at the time. It's already 10 o' clock. He had wasted 3 perfectly good hours talking to a complete jerk.

And what's pissing the Brit off is that he still doesn't know the name of Alfred's girlfriend!

Life sucks, or that's what Arthur grumbled with his mouth. His face though, told a very different story. The faint light blush was still very evident on his cheeks and there was just that soft ghost of a smile dancing around his lips…

Maybe the night wasn't so ruined after all…

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**A/N: Sorry for the lame ending, but that really was how the conversation ended in real life (with him going off to find food while me fuming at the computer...)**

**Anyways, the story wasn't that hard to write but the formatting took me a LONG LONG time. **  
**Therefore, it will be GREATLY GREATLY GREATLY appreciated if u can drop a review, even something like 'Good Job' is fine.**

**:)**


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